Twisted Wishes

[4nik8]

Imagine you found a genie lamp.
You rub the lamp, a genie grants you a wish.

BUT... when it's granted, it's twisted in some fashion.

For example,

I wish for a million bucks..


GRANTED. Unfortunately, that money was traced back to an FBI sting and you get a life sentence.


-OR-


I wish my penis touched the ground.

GRANTED. Unfortunately, it's because you now have no legs.


Each person takes a turn granting a wish and then posting a new wish for the next twisted genie to grant and so on.


First wish:

I wish I had the world's fastest car.

[ozzman62]

Granted , Unfortunately Your car got fired out of a cannon .

I wish I was the most handsome man in the world .

[4nik8]

Granted, unfortunately you're only handsome to gay men.


I wish I had the hottest woman on the planet.

[Canis]

She's brought to you, roasting on a giant gas grill.



I wish that was a wealthy oil Tycoon.

[4nik8]

Granted, unfortunately your company name is BP and you're about to go broke.
:bigsmile:


I wish I could figure women out.

[Laney]

Granted, however you will become a woman once you do.


I wish I lived in a "Smart House".

[4nik8]

Granted, however you will become a woman once you do.


I wish I lived in a "Smart House".

Granted, but it's so advanced the gov't took it over and is using for a base of operations.

I wish I had a harem of beautiful women.

[Baldy]

Granted, but you've been castrated.

I wish that I could make love to three women at once.

[LethalDose]

Granted.. but once they see your three penis`,they freak out and run away.


I wish I could travel the world..

[LEFT]

your departure date is Dec 21, 2012, 12noon

wish I was a better gambler

[Laney]

Granted!! but you ran out of money before you could make the first bet.


I wish the lawn guy was more about play than work.

[ozzman62]

Granted , Enjoy your game of tennis with him .


I wish I could retire early .

[4nik8]

Granted, unfortunately you die the next day.

I wish I knew when people were lying.

[shiatsu^26]

Granted, unfortunatley , YOU Still never know the Truth.

I wish my hubbies band would get signed to a reputable label.

[4nik8]

Granted, unfortunately he leaves you for a fan.

I wish I could be one of the jet set crowd.

[ozzman62]

Granted , Unfortunately you are part of the seating .


I wish every day was sunny .

[Laney]

Granted, but you will experience a drought.

I wish I lived by a river

[shiatsu^26]

Granted, Unfortunatley you live in a "Bus, Down By the River!"
(Geez I hope ppl get that reference. lol)

I wish Waxing body hair was Painless.

[Laney]

LOL...sorry

nothing to add right now...lol

[Canis]

Laney's on a roll!

[Laney]

Granted, but it will grow even faster doing it that way.

I wish I owned my own company

[shiatsu^26]

Granted, Unfortunatley it is affiliated with the WBC.

I wish I had a New SUV

[4nik8]

Granted, unfortunately they are outlawed as gas guzzlers.

I wish I could snap my fingers to edit photos instead of having to stare at a screen.

[shiatsu^26]

Granted , but after just 3 pics, they will fall off.

I wish I didnt have to sleep

[4nik8]

Granted, but now you're stuck here with me and act just as goofy.

I wish I could teleport.

[shiatsu^26]

Granted, Unfortunatley the ONLY place you can teleport to, are radical churches.

I wish that I could Pet sit for Para. (I really Want to hold one of those bunnies) :)

[Copernicus]

Granted, but the bunnies will all have diahrhea when you bunny sit.

I wish I could be truly and undeniably happy

[ozzman62]

Granted but unfortunately those around you mistake your happiness for insanity and have you committed :tongue:

I wish we didn't need money .

[4nik8]

Granted, but now everyone is living in caves again.

I wish I could have any girl I wanted.

[Amadeus]

Damn...this one took me a while. lol (Ironic, I know. Blow me)


GRANTED, but they're all fresh off the chopping block and you'd have to 'train' them.

I wish I could go sailing again

[4nik8]

Granted, a tornado grabs you and sends you through the air.

I wish I always knew how things I'm about to start would turn out.

[SharBare]

"I wish I always knew how things I'm about to start would turn out. "

You do always know how it will turn out but no matter what the result is always the opposite of what you want.



I wish government was still a true reflection of "by the people, for the people".

[Amadeus]

"I wish I always knew how things I'm about to start would turn out. "

You do always know how it will turn out but no matter what the result is always the opposite of what you want.



I wish government was still a true reflection of "by the people, for the people".

Good answer, wrong thread sista.


I wish I always knew how things I'm about to start would turn out.

GRANTED, but now the 'butterfly effect' imparts on your sub conscience, and you see things that happen today. You now live in an eternal deja-vu.

I wish I was rich and famous.

[SharBare]

You are rich but it's because you won a multi billion dollar settlement against the party that caused the accident which cost you the use of everything from the waist down and you are famous because the other party was ruined by the lawsuit they were so famous prior to the lawsuit that you're only famous for being he who brought down the giant.



I wish I knew where the hell to post what around here.
LOL

[chi]

Granted, but then the site went down.

I wish I had a million casino credits

[Freewilly]

granted but the casino would close down and they are rendered useless

wish I could fly

[SharBare]

You can fly but only over coocoo nests.
BUWAHAHA, I crack myself up.



I wish life were a bit more fun now days.

[Freewilly]

granted but ya have to be four again

wish I could dance on a star

[ozzman62]

Granted but you get arrested for dancing on Micheal Jacksons grave :tongue:

I wish I was taller .

[Freewilly]

LOl granted but ya would be too tall

wish I could be motivated

[4nik8]

Granted, but it's by cannibalistic pygmies with pointy sticks and they are motivating you to GET IN THE POT....

I wish I could invent something useful.

[Copernicus]

Granted, but its only useful as a weapon of mass destruction, and this knowledge makes you depressed for the rest of your days.

I wish to live a long and happy life

[Freewilly]

granted but its a virtual world

wish I could see the future

[shiatsu^26]

Granted, but everytime you use this gift, an poor lil animal dies a horrible death.

I wish I could have a maid come to my house to do the Spring & Fall Cleanings.

[Freewilly]

granted but she cleans ya out

wish time stood still while I tied my laces

[shiatsu^26]

Granted, but when time resumes, everyone in the world suffers amnesia for 4 hours.

I wish I didnt get car sick

[Bleed]

Granted, but you get sick whenever you aren't riding in a car.

I wish I was a Master Chef.

[Freewilly]

granted but its master of gross foods

wish I could read minds

[Bleed]

Granted. But you'd be reading Culp's mind. :neutral:

I wish I was a billionaire...

[Freewilly]

lol

granted but you would be the loneliest man on the planet

wish music was compulsory everywhere ya went

[4nik8]

Granted, but it's muzak (elevator music)

I wish there were no mean people.

[shiatsu^26]

Granted. But you are dead, and this place you wished for is heaven. You are there briefly before being sent to OTHER place. :xd:

(Okay, I DONT really think that is funny. js)

I wish I wasnt so tired all the time.

[4nik8]

Granted, you're in a permanent coma. Sleep well.

I wish I could heal sick animals.

[Freewilly]

granted but you take there pain

wish there was no ocean

[4nik8]

Granted, but then para sets his eyes on YOU.. (:roflmao:)


I wish I could be everywhere at once.

[Laney]

Granted, but there are only pieces of you everywhere

I wish every time I open my purse there would be gobs of money in it

[4nik8]

Granted, but it's monopoly money.

I wish I could travel the world.

[shiatsu^26]

Granted, but it is because you are a convicted felon the run.

I wish it didnt snow

[4nik8]

Granted, it stays 115 degrees year round.

I wish I could walk through walls.

[Freewilly]

granted but you cant return

wish we lived forever

[Laney]

GRANTED! however...every inch of land is taken up and there's no place to plant food or have cattle

I wish I owned a ranch

[4nik8]

granted, but it's for exotic animals and you live in Antarctica.

I wish I could print money and not get caught

[Freewilly]

granted but you cant use it in america

wish karma came a lil quicker to peeps

[4nik8]

Granted, but it comes so fast for each event, they never know it visited.

I wish I was 16 again.

:bigsmile:

[Freewilly]

granted but ya only experience the bad bits

wish I could visit historical sites

[4nik8]

Granted, but you haunt them as a ghost.

I wish I could travel from country to country at will.

[Laney]

GRANTED!! but your will just got up and left

I wish my lawn didn't have any weeds

[Freewilly]

granted but then the poor slugs cant get stoned

wish I could time travel

[4nik8]

Granted, but it's never a time ya WANT to go to.

Wish I could be rich instead of so good looking.:wink:

[Freewilly]

lol granted but again you would not know ya real friends

wish the sun had shade in summer .....doh

[4nik8]

Granted, but American's built the object that causes shade and it breaks down constantly.
:bigsmile:


I wish I had a private jet.

[Freewilly]

granted but it needs aussie fuel :bigsmile:

wish I could sing without killing the dustmites :squigglemouth: :bigsmile:

[4nik8]

Granted, now it causes them to follow the sound of your voice instead.

I wish I could out people without looking mean for it.

[Freewilly]

granted but they dont get it

wish there was no war

[4nik8]

Granted, but economies all over the planet collapse and starvation ensues.

I wish I could turn into any creature I wished.

[Freewilly]

granted but you are the most hunted

wish I could stop poverty

[4nik8]

Granted, you drop a nuke and incinerate half the planet.

I wish there was no famine.

[Freewilly]

granted but then there is no compassion

wish I could meet a special friend

[4nik8]

Granted, but special means retarded and you have to clean up poop everywhere s/he goes.

I wish I could make women fall in love.

[Freewilly]

granted but you lose the one that loves you freely

wish there was a cure for cancer

[4nik8]

Granted, but the cure causes worse side effects.

I wish there were always smiles wherever I went.

[Freewilly]

granted but they are from dirty old men

wish the ground would swallow me up at times

[4nik8]

Granted, but it spits you out, naked, at the most embarrassing places.

I wish I could walk through walls.

[Freewilly]

granted but theres the abyss on the other side

wish I could fast forward time

[4nik8]

Granted but there's not telling how far forward you go and there's no reverse button.

Wish I never had to worry about jail again.

[Freewilly]

granted .........cant twist that I agree

wish I were immortal

[4nik8]

granted, but ya live in a bubble in space without any sensory input.


I wish I could be the worlds greatest lover to WOMEN.
:bigsmile:

[Freewilly]

granted but ya have to be filmed all the time

wish I could teleport

[4nik8]

Granted, but ya go straight to my bedroom every time.

Wish I could sing.

[Freewilly]

granted but you cant stop

wish there was no ignorance

[4nik8]

Granted, but that means there're only critters left on the planet.

Wish all chairs were easy chairs.

[Freewilly]

granted but they easily break

wish I was sitting on your easy chair :angel:

[4nik8]

Granted but ya end up pregnant....with an ottoman.

I wish I could make knick knacks.

[Freewilly]

granted but they break

wish I had more motivation at times

[4nik8]

Granted, do or die time.

I wish I could make myself smaller.

[Freewilly]

granted but you disappear completely

wish pets could talk

[4nik8]

Granted but they never shut up.

I wish I could live underwater

[Freewilly]

granted but you cant ever get out

wish I could be there with you

[4nik8]

We both drown.

Wish I could travel the stars.

[Freewilly]

granted but they burn ya ass

wish I wasnt thirsty

[4nik8]

Granted, but you're a guppy.

Wish I was I was a womans bicycle seat.

:xd:

[Freewilly]

granted but ya drown on wet fanny juice

wish I was the lady on that bike seat Lmao

[4nik8]

Granted, but ya never step off the bike again. :bigsmile:

I wish some people really knew how little relevance I give their opinions.

[Freewilly]

granted but then they are too gutless to say it

wish the chores did themselves

[Freewilly]

granted but no ones gives a shit

wish some would die already

edit /.... lol @ nik deleting his post must be fun to be a mod with no life

[4nik8]

Granted but it happens to someone you didnt realize youd miss so much.

I wish I was sitting at the beach with a strong drink in my hand and my toes in the sand.

[Amadeus]

Granted...but you were on the SS Minnow when it crashed. Good luck getting off that island.

I wish I was a rock star.