STOP POSTING IN THIS THREAD!!!!!

[Stormcrow]

My bad...I want that mug!!! heheh (hangs head in shamefulness)


pfft! You have no shame and you know it.

[LEFT]

shame is a terrible thing to waste

shame is the new....

I dunno

(juuuuust felt the need to type something)

[Amythist]

Damn Storm why you gotta call me out! lol It sounded nice anyways! Bwahahaha

[Stormcrow]

'Cus that is what I do. :FIREdevil:

[Amythist]

Aww shucks and here I thought you loved meh! sniffles!

[Laney]

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed the little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

[Amythist]

Hey you! Ya you! Im looking at you.... Hi!

[Stormcrow]

Hi! I really wasn't expecting anyone to be looking at me right now though, or I'd have more on. :/

[Amythist]

Mwahahah I have xray vision anyways lol!

[LEFT]

HEY! HAVE WE STOPPED NOT POSTING ON THIS THREAD!????

wutha

ell

[Laney]

In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.

One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen."
Which means: "Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have shit in it."

The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."

The rancher replied: "Use both hands."

[LEFT]

hute

yes ma'am, thadda be bout right

[Laney]

Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the kids. After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.

"Walter", responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Walter?"

"I have four questions:

First, Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?

Second, Why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's actually gotten worse?

Third, Why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs?

Fourth, Why are we lending $ to Brazil to drill for oil, but America is not allowed to drill for oil?"

Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume Obama says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him his name.

"Steve," he responds.

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"Actually, I have two questions.

First, Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?

Second, What the hell happened to Walter?"

[StoneTheCrow]

lmao that's funny as fuck

[LEFT]

funi yes

BUT

could be....well...I dont wann be talkin all crazy

BUT

.....

[Laney]

The hurricanes that hit the Gulf Coast of our nation were devastating. It did not spare the houses of worship in and around the area. One of the local television stations in South Louisiana aired an interview with a woman from New Orleans .

The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate. She asked the woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives?

Without hesitation, the woman replied, "I don't know about all those other people, but we ain't gone to Churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye's."

The look on the interviewer's face was priceless. They're out there, they live among us, AND THEY VOTE.

[CULPRITE_INC]

http://garyc.me/fun/bring.swfhttp://tosh.comedycentral.com/blog/files/2012/01/door-stopper.jpg

[Amythist]

http://2pep.com/funny%20pics/laughing%20humorous%20pictures/super_funny_cute%20images_9f3af1e6b20029ceed2d5d44 c3857ea0.jpg

[Laney]

A teacher is explaining biology to her 3rd grade students.

She says, "Human beings are the only animals that stutter."

Little Johnny raises his hand. saying, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

The teacher, knowing how some of his stories could become, reluctenly asked him to describe the incident.

"Well," he began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

The teacher exclaimed, "That must've been scary!"

Little Johnny said, "It sure was. My kitty raised her back, went 'Sssss, Ssss, Sssss' and before she could say 'Shit,' the Rottweiler ate her!"

The teacher had to leave the room.

[Amythist]

I want ithttp://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7xGESFZ0NC8/SorbR6L6xhI/AAAAAAAAD3E/8HLvk8BMQZ8/s1600/1.jpg

[Blackwater]

http://images.superherostuff.com/image-pintwwsetblack-primary-shswatermark.jpg

[Amythist]

Ok ya that to ,lol

[Amythist]

http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk232/so_much2save/day/Thursday-rock-sexy-guitar.gif

[Stormcrow]

Ahh Tursday...I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

[Amythist]

Lol, 1 day away from Friday~

[LEFT]

if friday doesnt get here by tomorrow I'm gonna be pissed






I'm just say'n is all

[Laney]

YAY...it's Friday !!

[Amythist]

I will second that motion! wOOt!

[Stormcrow]

Friday is teh AWESOMENES!

[StoneTheCrow]

Friday is teh AWESOMENES!

Hop back on the bike and every day can be Friday again. :bigsmile:

[Stormcrow]

Hop back on the bike and every day can be Friday again. :bigsmile:

:lol: You asshole! Reps for j00.

[Amythist]

Bwahahahah!

[Laney]

10 illusions in 5 minutes...pretty awesome

http://biggeekdad.com/2011/12/10-illusions-in-5-minutes/

[Amythist]

Pretty darn nifty find there.

[Laney]

...

[Laney]

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,




...Then You Are Probably ...
The Family Dog!

[Laney]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see? '

'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?'

'You dumber than buffalo. It means someone stole the tent.'

[Laney]

Golf Carts anyone ??

http://www.youtube.com/v/Qrpq5A-KAoA

[StoneTheCrow]

Ha, that's pretty cool. Damn old farts. I did quite a few sod jobs for that place, hella huge place.

[Laney]

this will make the men wash their hands for sure...

[LEFT]

um....am I allowed to like that?

I reken so.....

I like that.

[Laney]

of course you are...they wouldn't have put them there for you to ignore.

[Laney]

See if you can figure out what these seven words have in common...

1. Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess

[Stormcrow]

They are all capitalized. :xd:

[Laney]

no...

if you take the first letter of each word and place it at the end....it'll spell the word backwards.

[LEFT]

...stoners

[Stormcrow]

no...

if you take the first letter of each word and place it at the end....it'll spell the word backwards.

Yeah, and they are all capitalized.

[Laney]

Yeah, and they are all capitalized.

well...i'll give you that :bigsmile:

[Stormcrow]

well...i'll give you that :bigsmile:

I saw your internal palindromes as well, but the Caps thing was too good to pass up, y'know?

[Laney]

She named him Dick...

[Stormcrow]

D'oh!

[Amythist]

I want that dog!!!!!! Lmfoa! That is coolio! (ya dig?)

[LEFT]

saw your internal palindromes

you with yer fansy book lernin wurds


that dog is funi I dont care who ya are!!!!! smirk factor - 10

[Copernicus]

Don't mind me...just passin' thru

[LEFT]

....who was that?

(thought I saw sumbuddy passin thru)

[LEFT]

this frightened me....

[StoneTheCrow]

Holy Fucking Shit!! That is one ruined broad.

[Laney]

she might have been pretty at one time...

[LEFT]

I see girls like that all the time over in Houston in the neighborhood my parts suppliers are...

they start trolling at the CRACK (hute..getit?) of dawn and will walk the the streets til they get enough to get a cheap room and a meal...and bit of what they need. Some look like laney said, like at one time they might have been a bit mroe presentable. when they speak tho...game over...they are the walking dead. I feel a certain sorry for them but the sad truth is there is no return for them....

a wise man in these forums is know to say "KEEP A TIGHT ASS"...I would add...

"if you aint willing to kiss it DONT STICK YER DICK INNIT!"




hey...I'm just say'n is all

[Laney]

I don't care who you are.... This is Funny!!

[LEFT]

^^ HUTE! ^^


(I really like that signature line btw)

[Laney]

i like this transformer...

http://www.youtube.com/embed/iKqpvriKZuA

[Copernicus]

Laney, that was VERY cool, hon!

[LEFT]

DITTO THAT!!



I wants me one of them.....

[Stormcrow]

That just plain rocks!

[Laney]

...how about an LED snowboarder

http://biggeekdad.com/2012/02/led-snowboarder/

[Laney]

...or maybe an ice skater

http://biggeekdad.com/2011/02/crazy-ice-skater/

[LEFT]

the snowboarder is obviously making use of reverse engineered alien technologies leaked from area 51

the ice skater is jsut mental

[Copernicus]

http://biggeekdad.com/2012/02/the-flip-side-of-bars/


Hmmmmmm

[Copernicus]

http://biggeekdad.com/2012/02/the-flip-side-of-dating/


LOL

[Laney]

flip sides...lol

[LEFT]

Happy Saturday




and whutknot

[Laney]

...

[Laney]

A dog lover, whose dog was a female (& in heat), agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog, while they were away on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep them separted. As she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs to find the dogs locked together, and unable to disengage.

She was unable to separate them and didn't know what to do, and although it was the middle of the night, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice. She explained the problem to him. The vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back, and the ringing of the phone, will make the male lose his erection, and he'll be able to withdraw."


"Do you think that will really work?" she asked.

"Well, it just worked for me," he said…….and hung up.

[LEFT]

doggie style FAIL! ?

[Laney]

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips.

When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

[shiatsu^26]

LMAO! thats pretty cute Laney. Im gonna tell that to my friends at church tonight. :D

[4nik8]

No...and you cant make me

:bigsmile:

[Laney]

A little girl asked her Mom, 'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?'

Mom replies, 'No, because she is in heat.'

'What's that mean?' asked the child.

'Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.'

Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.'

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?

The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'

[Laney]

Plastic bottles to brighten the darkness...

http://www.wimp.com/lightenup/

[Laney]

I think she has a great start to a promising career...

http://www.wimp.com/gunroses/

[Laney]

they do things differently in Russia...

http://www.wimp.com/meanwhilerussia/

[Laney]

no standing under this tree...

http://www.wimp.com/amazingstrike/

[Laney]

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'


'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

[Laney]

...

[shiatsu^26]

That post reminds me..

Why is it men think it is funny to lock the car windows & fart. Or to rip off a few under the covers & then fluff them wildly allowing the toxic fumes to send you gasping for air.

But then when You (a woman) farts, they get all dramatic about it? It is like you grew a dick, and slapped them with it.

[Laney]

An Arab enters a taxi cab in Dallas, Texas..........

Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and; in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music, which is music of the infidel's and certainly no radio ........

So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, pulls over to the side, stops the cab and opens the back door.

The Arab asks him: "What are you doing man?"

The Texan answers: "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis.

So get your ass out and wait for a camel."


You gotta love Texas

[LEFT]

God (the real one) Bless Texas !

[Stormcrow]

psst, same gawd, just sayin'.

[Laney]

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married..
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.


BUT THE MOST COMPELLING EVIDENCE OF ALL:

3 proofs that Jesus was a WOMAN:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.

Can I get an AMEN?!!

[StoneTheCrow]

ummm no

[LEFT]

"most compelling evidence"

hute !!

(and an amen)

[Laney]

Ever See an Eagle Do the Breast Stroke?

This footage was taken at Mallard Lakes subdivision in Baton Rouge .
Someone had shot a nutria (river rat), and it was floating dead in the water.
I can't believe what this eagle did to bring that nutria in.
I never saw an Eagle doing a breast-stroke before.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/87xNpOYOlQ4?rel=0

[Laney]

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our temple, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically,I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered. I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice. "Idiot", she barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." She retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."

[ozzman62]

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our temple, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically,I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered. I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice. "Idiot", she barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." She retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."

Priceless Laney :bigsmile:

[Laney]

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, 'I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, 'I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up.'

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down.'

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She responded, 'The bastard used coins!'

[rc2james]

That post reminds me..

Why is it men think it is funny to lock the car windows & fart. Or to rip off a few under the covers & then fluff them wildly allowing the toxic fumes to send you gasping for air.

But then when You (a woman) farts, they get all dramatic about it? It is like you grew a dick, and slapped them with it.
But I thought women liked that? Huh, well I'll be damned!

[ozzman62]

DERP